Being vulnerable is something that doesn't come easy for me. I am so use to adapting to difficult circumstances instead of standing tall and saying that I need more. Being that "I'm fine" person whenever I'm asked if I need help or is everything ok is draining. To be honest I'm afraid of being disappointed and let down that I would rather put the burden, worries and stress on myself... Why am I ok with being everyone's shoulder, ear, and crutch when they need me, but too afraid to say I'm not complete and I need you as my shoulder or ear this time around? I absolutely enjoy helping others and making them happy, but somehow I feel no one should be able to give me the same in return that I must make it happen on my own. This is hard for me because it’s admitting to myself that I have to face my weaknesses and fears and that's scary. I have to end this dysfunctional pattern.
Well that didn’t go over so good… My kids you know that ones that drive me a little crazy sometimes are the funniest little people on the planet. So the break I desperately need but can’t take, well I thought I would stand my ground. So I told them I was going to take a small girls trip to Vegas for the weekend. I was like it’s happening no if ands or buts about it. Me: Hey guys’ mommy is going to take a small trip over the weekend to Vegas. Jr: Oldest son (9 years old) Yes! We're going to Vegas. Me: No just me and my friends. Zay: (8 years old) Eyes start watering for how many days. Me: I will leave on Friday come back Sunday. We will facetime all day ok? Jr: Okay while looking confused… Zay: Tears falling down his face... I don’t want you to go. Me: You will be fine you have Daddy and Jr. Zay: When you were little did you ever want to be away from your mom... for all those days (hysterically crying) Me: You can’t be serious, (saying to myself) way